And then you donate the proceeds to other military families.

You stand proud at the national anthem, because Jason died doing what he wanted — fighting as a U.S. Navy Seal. You attend every ceremony where your son’s name is inscribed on a wall. You get to know other military families who’ve lost someone, and you talk about your membership in this club no one wants to join.

But your grief is private, too. On the first birthday after his death, you bake his favorite cake (pistachio) and head to the cemetery with some chairs, which you set up at his grave. Throughout the day, members of your big, unruly family come by, and you serve that cake. Yes, it’s odd, eating among the gravestones, but not so odd as a world without Jason.

You think of his three children — Jack, now 5; Max, 4; and Grace, 2 — and you create a memory book full of photos that confound his sons because they look so much like their father when he was a boy. And your throat catches at the photo of baby Grace reaching for her father’s face.

On the first Veterans Day after his death, you go with your son’s widow and your grandchildren to Disney World — where the family had planned to go before Jason died. You do that because the kids have been excited about this trip, and life must go on. You bring along as much family as you can. Though it’s surreal, you do the Magic Kingdom up right, because Jason — a happy baby, a laughing boy, a smiling man — would have done precisely that. And while the kids are exploring the rides, you watch a beautiful monarch butterfly float over a small patch of grass, and you think, "Jason’s here."

And this past summer, a year after his death — it feels wrong to call it an "anniversary" because "anniversary" sounds happy — you head back to the cemetery and do the whole meet-and-greet again, minus the cake. And on Monday of this past week, you drive to Hartford with friends and family from New Milford and Brookfield to lay a wreath at the Capitol as part of Wreaths Across America. And before you speak, you fluff the flags of the different military branches attached to the wreath because you want things to look just right.

And then you stand next to the governor — she’s from Brookfield, too — and you read a speech about service and sacrifice. And the governor, who spoke at Jason’s funeral, talks about feeling grateful for people like your son — and like Sgt. Joseph M. Nolan, a Waterbury native who died in Fallujah on Nov. 18, 2004. His father stands nearby, with family members.

When the unthinkable happened, Jean told herself that at least her son was doing what he wanted to do. How many people can say that? His grandmother Frances Mariano still talks about how blessed she was to have Jason and her other grandchildren grow up around her and gather around a table loaded with spaghetti and chicken.

And Jason’s aunt Janet Mariano has his laminated photo attached to her car, with a quote that starts: "We all sleep safe in our beds because there are rough men who stand ready in the night." She still sometimes cries if someone asks her about Jason, and she hates that she cries.

In viewing the election, I’ve come to the conclusion that John McCain is the best choice. Earlier in the election season, I was indeed adamantly against voting for McCain and instead, touted third party candidates. Those who have decided on voting for a third party candidate…let’s face it, they will not get the proper coverage necessary for the American public to see their views and plans for this country. The media has concentrated on the two party candidates, John McCain and Barack Obama. The race is now solidly between the two.

I am not negating the importance of third party candidates (candidates who usually have a differing view than the two party system), but if they are going to be serious challengers to the two party system, they must become more organized than they are currently. There is a lot of confusion, and voters considering third party candidates are split between the Constitution party, the Libertarian party, and America’s Independent Party. Third party candidates’ agenda would be better served if they could meet somewhere in the middle, come together under one political party banner.

However strong I may be against John McCain’s globalist leanings, he has bravely served his country. For his valiant effort to remain strong during torturous years in Vietnam and for his service, I am grateful and respect him. I am inclined to support a person of valor who knows the importance of supporting our troops’ mission in battle and who I KNOW will be an advocate for our troops.

His partner, Vice Presidential pick Sarah Palin is a bright light which this nation hasn’t had a privilege to see in a long time. Strong, sassy, beautiful, and conservative, Sarah Palin is a REAL woman who tells it like it is and isn’t afraid to play hardball against the entrenched politicians in Washington. I know she will hold her own in the White House.

Because I don’t put my hope in a politician, it will not matter who is in office as long as the hearts of the American people are fixed on God and are right with Him. When we are right with God, we can realize our gifts and use them to affect positive change and cause our leaders to take notice. Whether McCain is elected or not, our job is not to sit back and become disillusioned. We are to be active in keeping the American spirit alive…keeping it as a beacon for freedom and strength in the world. We must demand of our leaders that they hear us. And part of that is making the right choice at the voting booth.